A Guest Writes…

“Hello. My name is Freddy and I’d like to thank Maintenantman for giving me this space. At just 17 days old my keyboard skills do not quite match the sheer volume of things I’d like to say, so I have communicated this via my eyes in the accompanying photograph. I’m already an expert in the non-verbals and my body language is…errr…very fluent.”


I am here and now. Hope you are too.

“Basically, I have a list of questions and a list of needs. Here goes.

My questions:

  • What happened to all that nice warm water I was swimming around in?
  • And linked to that, where’s the lifeline that was plugged into my belly button?
  • What is all this alternating darkness and light all about?
  • What happened to the Bo Diddley beat on the amniotic radio?
  • Who are you? Who are you?
  • Who am I? I already have a pretty good idea, but some loving, warm guidance to sources of extra knowledge would be welcome.

My needs:

  • This stuff called ‘air’ seems to be very important…I need it to be as clean as possible (and go steady on all those waves and signals pulsing around too).
  • I know that milk seems to be my priority right now, but the root of it all is apparently ‘water’. I really need that to be pure and clean too. And available.
  • Warmth when I’m cold. Coolness when I’m hot.
  • Laughter lifelong. And for now, when I crack a smile don’t tell me it’s f****** wind pains.
  • Friends<>Family<>Freddy: I need that triangle. Relationship…community, all those dimensions.
  • Sorry to have to bring this one up (projectile fashion) but I need a world full of compassion, tolerance and equality. I don’t need violence, abuse of power, greed, capitalism or superstition (a.k.a. religion). By the way, you can let me know how the world is doing on all this stuff whenever you feel ready.
  • I’ve already got a very vivid inner life…I just need the means and the wherewithal to be creative with it.
  • Music, art, poetry, dance…and stories: stories on paper, on screens, in songs, and in spoken words.
  • I’ve already shat on my father’s jeans: I need to be able to make mistakes, to have lapses…to learn how to learn.
  • I need love that is infinitely renewable and that has no conditions attached.

Hopefully you’ll all have some answers to my questions, and if you can meet my needs I will always strive to meet yours.

It’s not one-way traffic: I GIVE, THEREFORE I AM.

Thank you for the time and the space. Those are two other things I will always need.”

Ted x


  1. Congratulations Ted! He’s beautiful! (Our 5th grandchild -3rd girl for youngest daughter-was born on 17th April. When was Freddy’s birth date?) Enjoy it all! It’s a fabulous role being a grandparent and even better to be a grandparent poet! Have fun.


  2. I hope you will allow Freddy to follow a decent football team.With appointment of Sam Ricketts the only way is up for Wrexham πŸ™‚


    1. Ha ha! Yes, he will have a free choice…but an Oxford United babygro is already in his little wardrobe! We do have a liking for Wrexham, they should be back in the league. It’s horrible to see Mickey Mouse teams from Mickey Mouse places thriving (Ebbsfleet for example…no community, just a ruck of warehouses and a rich businessman) x


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