The Gutbucket List

{Chambers Dictionary defines ‘gutbucket’ thus: “a rhythmically simple, earthy and emotional style of playing blues or jazz”}

I have to admit that I have always shunned the whole concept of the Bucket List. The idea of actually drawing one up has never occurred to me.

Until today that is, the thirteenth day of the worst virus I have ever experienced. Very occasional encounters in the past have been shaken off in 48 hours, but this has been a real piece of performance art by the virus in question. Today it seems to be finally running out of ideas and creative brio.

The multiversal website used by most reputable DNA and RNA particles has already given it a 5-star review: “…this has been an unmissable collage of all the major debilitating symptoms, executed with impressive power, timing, wit and persistence…this was a tour de force to remind the world that the virus is the perfect evolutionary form and that it will keep on getting even more perfect (yes of course that is possible: virus beats pedantry along with everything else!)”.

Anyway, things were so bad at times that I couldn’t even lie down as it seemed to cause a right royal ‘rammy’ between my red-hot brain and the ancient lava forms on the inside of my skull. So, whilst dozing fitfully in an upright position one night, the notion of a Bucket List somehow came to me without its usual label of disdain.

And here it is, without further ado. I hope you enjoy it, despite the fact that it is all the things that Bucket Lists usually are: unrealistic, wildly optimistic, very challenging, expensive and self-obsessed. I may never achieve all the items on it, in fact I almost certainly won’t, but it will be fun trying.

Sorry…I said “without further ado” and indulged in a bit of ‘ado’. Here it is, without further ado.

  1. To breathe in at regular intervals for the rest of my life.
  2. To breathe out at regular intervals for the rest of my life.

©Maintenantman Gutbucket List @ ‘nuff said.

Ted x


  1. Respire don’t expire! My favorite witty definition of a virus is from Nobel Prize Winner, Peter Medewar. “A piece of bad news wrapped in protein.” Love C. Xxx


  2. Hi Ted You seem a lot better now…your sense of humour is returning, isn’t humour(s) an old word for aliments especially of the types you have had??
    Pleased you are feeling a little better. Take care of yourself and don’t try and do too much.

    Sent from my iPad



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